Woman Bashing:
(I didn't write this!) *LOL*
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How many women does it take to paint a wall?...It depends on how hard you throw them.
________________________________________________________ One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golfThe other replies: "GREAT trade!"
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yellingThe dog, of course . . . at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?...
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
will never be able to support you.
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Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars
run 95% quieter?...Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring,
wedding ring and suffering
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Why do women have smaller feet than men ?
So they can stand closer to the sink
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How do you know when a women's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
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What do you do when your wife comes out of the kitchen to
whine at you?
You make the chain shorter.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that just...won't...do...what...she's...told!
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Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares! What was she doing out of the kitchen???
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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It's not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.
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Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
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Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the
hallway light on.
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Husband: Put your coat on love, I'm going to the bar.
Wife: Are you taking me out for a drink?
Husband: Don't be silly woman, I'm turning the heat off...
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Why do Japanese Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs?
So you can tell them apart from the feminists.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like
to interrupt her.
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What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
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Why do women like intelligent men?
Opposites attract.
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Most accidents happen at home. And the men have to eat them!
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Some mornings I wake up grouchy...
and some mornings I just let her sleep!
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What do you call a woman who has lost her mind?
A widow.
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Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's
sex drive by 90 percent.... Wedding cake!!!
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Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence - A Life Sentence!!
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Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
Contributed by Larry the "ElvisFan1" & Jeff Forsha