What women really mean when they say:

1) "Can I ask you a question?" --
I am going to ask you something that will make you very uncomfortable, and if you say yes you can't weasel out of answering it.

2) "What are you thinking about?" --
Tell me you love me

3) "I love you" --
You are now my life partner, anything less is unthinkable.

4) "Let's go to bed" --
Let's go to sleep.

5) "What do you think of this <dress/shirt/pair of pants>? --
Tell me I am the most visually stunning woman you know. Lie if need be.

6) "What do you want to do today?" --
Let's plan the wedding.

7) "I need to get some exercise" --
Tell me I look good and that I don't need to lift a finger.

8) "I really like your friend <John/Frank/Dave>."
Your friend is devotedly attached to another woman, so he will not be a bad influence on you. Any other friends are hereby disallowed.

----------

The woman's guide to what a man is really saying...

1) "I'm hungry."
I'm hungry.

2) "I'm sleepy."
I'm sleepy.

3) "I'm tired."
I'm tired.

4) "Do you want to go to a movie?"
I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

5) "Can I take you out to dinner?"
I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

6) "Can I call you sometime?"
I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

7) "May I have this dance?"
I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

8) "Nice dress!"
Nice cleavage!

9) "You look tense, let me give you a massage."
I want to fondle you.

10) "What's wrong?"
I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.

11) "What's wrong?"
What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

12) "What's wrong?"
I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

13) "I'm bored."
Do you want to have sex?

14) "I love you."
Let's have sex now.

15) "I love you, too."
Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

16) "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
I liked it better before.

17) "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
It doesn't look any different!

18) "Let's talk."
I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

19) "WIll you marry me?"
I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

(while shopping)

20) "I like that one better."
Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

21) "I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together."
I am gay.

Contributed by Fred Shaver

Back to....
The Outhouse!