SOUTHERNISMS
Did
you hear about the South Carolina redneck who passed away and left his entire
estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
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What's
the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck?
The
good ol' boy raises livestock.
The redneck gets emotionally involved.
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Emily
Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would
send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba
replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked,
"Can you spell that for me? "There was a long pause and finally Bubba
said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up
there?"
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How
do you know when your staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When
you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the
person at the front desk says "go ahead."
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How
can you tell if a Texas redneck is married?
There
is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.
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Did
you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
It
seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
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What
do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?
A
documentary.
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How
many rednecks does it take eat a 'possum?
Two.
One to eat, and one to watch out for traffic.
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Why
did God invent armadillos?
So
that Texas rednecks can have 'possum on the halfshell.
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Where
was the toothbrush invented?
Oklahoma.
If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.
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Arkansas
State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver,
"Got any ID?"
The
driver says, "Bout what?"
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Did
you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?
The
winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
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Why
did O. J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone
has the same DNA.
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Did
you hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock, Arkansas burned down?
Yep.
Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
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A
new law recently passed in North Carolina:
When
a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.
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What's
the best thing to ever come out of Arkansas?
I-40.
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Two
Mississippians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other,
and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says,"Hey Tommy
Ray,what'cha got in th' bag?"
"Jus'
some chickens."
"If
I guesses how many they are, can I have one?"
"Shoot,
ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them."
"OK.
Ummmmm . . . five?"
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What
do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in
common?
Somebody's
fixin' to lose them a trailer.
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A
Mississippian came home and found his house on fire, he rushed next door,
telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is
on fire!"
"OK,"
replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Shucks,
don't you still have those big red trucks?"
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Why
do folks in Kentucky go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
Cuz
17 and under not admitted.
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What
do you get when you have 32 rednecks in the same room?
A
full set of teeth.
Contributed by Jean Brierre
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