MEMORANDUM:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the
course of normal conversation with their coworkers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily
offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do
however realize the critical importance of being able to accurately
express your feelings when communicating with co-workers,
therefore, a list of preferred new phrases has been provided so that
proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective
manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

PREFERRED: Perhaps I can work late
OLD: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?

PREFERRED: I'm certain that is not feasible
OLD: No fucking way

PREFERRED: Really?
OLD: You've got to be shitting me

PREFERRED: Of course I'm concerned
OLD: Ask me if I give a shit

PREFERRED: I wasn't involved in that project
OLD: Its not my fucking problem

PREFERRED: That's interesting behavior
OLD: What the fuck??

PREFERRED: I'm not sure I can implement this
OLD: Fuck it, it won't work.

PREFERRED: I'll try to schedule that
OLD: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner

PREFERRED: Are you sure this is a problem?
OLD: You stupid shit, not only do I think you don't understand diddly, I wouldn't give a shit if you did

PREFERRED: He's not familiar with the problem
OLD: He's got his head up his ass, what would make you think he'd know anything?

PREFERRED: So you weren't happy with it?
OLD: Kiss my ass

PREFERRED: I don't think you understand
OLD: I'm tired of talking to you, simple minded fool, and if I have to explain myself again I will have to hurt you.

PREFERRED: I love a challenge
OLD: This job sucks and the suckage continues to escalate

PREFERRED: I see
OLD: Blow me

PREFERRED: Yes, we really should discuss it
OLD: Another fucking meeting.

PREFERRED: I don't think this will be a problem
OLD: I'm overworked and underpaid therefore I really don't give a shit

PREFERRED: He's somewhat insensitive
OLD: He's a fucking prick

PREFERRED: I think you could use more training
OLD: You don't know what the fuck you're doing?

Contributed by Andy D

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