* Hillary's new book: "It Takes A Village.....To Satisfy My Husband"

* Did you hear Clinton is declaring a new National Bird? The Spread Eagle.

* What is the difference between Monica Lewinsky and a Hoover vacuum? Where the DirtBag attaches.

* How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they're too busy screwing the President.

* What is Clinton's favorite card game? Poker.

* How did they finally bust Clinton? Monica finally coughed up the evidence.

* Most people worry about getting AIDS from SEX. Bill worries about getting SEX from AIDES!

* What's Slick Willie's new nickname? President-erect.

* What is President Clinton's pet name for Hilary? : "My little buttercup." For Monica? "My little suction cup.

* Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky is now working for 7-11? She's endorsing the "Big Gulp."

* Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East? He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.

* What is Clinton's new Secret Service Code Name? Unibanger.

* How did Bill reply regarding questions of "coaching" Monica's testimony? "It wasn't words that I put in her mouth!"

* Why is Clinton's approval rating so high? Because Monica was taking the pole.

* What's the new press name for the latest Presidential scandal? Fornigate.

* What position did Monica Lewinsky have at the White House? Missionary.

* What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume? "Sat on the Presidential Staff."

* If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with Clinton doing the same?

* Bill: "I didn't tell her to lie in the DEPOSITION...I told her to lie in THAT there position!"

* Clinton hired Johnny Cochran for his defense. The new line is..."If she spit, you must acquit!"