These are some warnings regarding alcohol that the Surgeon General
failed to mention:
1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with
breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like
an asshole.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and
over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like
thish.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY think
while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the
morning.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell ever happened to your pants anyway.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you
can't remember)
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho.
11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause people in clubs to
appear better looking than they actually are.
12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol in females may cause extreme
bloating in a 9 month period. (oops)
Contributed by Michele in Dallas