LOVEY HOWELL DIARY SOLD AT CHRISTIE'S AUCTION --
REVEALS LOVE TRYST WITH GILLIGAN, PROFESSOR

The diary of Eunice "Lovey" Howell was sold at Christie's
auction house today to a representative of Professor Roy
Hinkley, Ph.D., during a sealed bid.

Hinkley, known as The Professor, was trying to keep the
stories of his love affair with the wife of Thurston Howell III
while shipwrecked on a deserted island a secret.

But investigators for Fox News and the Jerry Springer Show
blew the lid off of the steamy memoirs.  Page after lurid page
of secret meetings with "My Bendy Boy, sweet Gilligan" and
"Rocket Man", an obvious reference to the Professor.

Reached at the Pacific Bay Retirement Home, Willy Gilligan
was asked about his affair with "Lovey".  "She was a wild
woman.  Thurston couldn't handle her.  She was too much
woman for him.  We used to sneak off down to the lagoon
when everyone else was asleep.  Everyone thought I was
doing Mary Ann, but, it was the Skipper she had the hots
for.  Go figure."

Gilligan admitted Mrs. Howell had used some of Thurston's
own money to set up a trust fund for Gilligan so he could
live out his days in comfort once they returned to the
mainland.  He confesses that he was angry when he found
out about Mrs. Howell's additional affair with The Professor,
but has come to grips with it.

"You see, all Thurston thought about was money.  Stock
markets.  I was her lover because I had youth and stamina.
The Professor, though, he taught her things.  He showed her
how to build a nuclear reactor from a coconut.  He taught her
how to extract gold from seawater using nothing but a papaya. 
That always got her hot.  The more I think about it, the more
I truly believe the reason the Professor could never fix the boat
was because he was boning Mrs. Howell."

Contributed by JJB

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